Back in the good old days, back when the Redskins were aware of that mysterious winning thing and could find the place called the end zone, you made the classic eight-pack of crayons.
All a kid needed was brown, red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple, black, and a coloring book and he or she had hours of fun in store. Unfortunately those days are gone.
Yesterday my little sister showed me what she wanted for Christmas. I was glad to see she had made her way to the Crayola website, there are a lot of worse places to look for children’s toys, but it was all downhill from there.
Instead of finding the trusty eight-pack of crayons in her shopping cart I found that she had bookmarked the “color Xplosion 3-D glow board” and the “Multicultural supersize glitter crayon pack.”
My next words were a little along the lines of “what the hull is this ship”
After a frantic ten minute search of the site I discovered my childhood. At the bottom of page 3… in fine print.
Needless to say I threw up a little in my mouth.
All I can hope for is that younger generations will discover the wonderful simplicity of the eight-pack of crayons. I’m getting sick and tired of seeing these snotty little kids running around with enough shades of green to choke a large rhinoceros.
It’s just outrageous.
Trees are supposed to be green, not Caribbean jungle green. Bananas are supposed to be yellow, not laser lemon yellow.
All I’m saying is this holiday we should all appreciate the little things. And eat lots of Christmas cookies. Mostly eat lots of Christmas cookies. Are those rainbow sprinkles? Forget it, go for the cookies.